The trouble with worshipping God only as Father is that He tends to present an image of a judge — somewhat stern and aloof. But Divine Mother is filled with compassion, and will forgive you even if you’ve done wrong. Yogananda said, “Pray to the Mother, ‘Naughty or good, still I’m your child, and you must help me.’”
– Swami Kriyananda
These last three weeks I have been blessed to spend time at the Ananda Assisi community, which is filled with an energy of great joy, service and devotion.
The fact that Ananda Worldwide directors Nayaswamis Jyotish and Devi were also there at the moment, added great blessings and even more uplifted vibrations.
On a certain day, all of the Kriyacharyas (assigned to give Kriya Yoga initiation) would be having a retreat with Jyotish and Devi and with a group of the “younger generation” we were going to make a special breakfast for them. It was a beautiful occasion to give back energy, love and gratitude to those people who have been dedicating their lives to live Paramhansa Yogananda’s and Swami Kriyananda’s teachings and have been and are serving endlessly and selflessly to share those teachings and the sacred technique of Kriya Yoga with all those “thirsty ones”.
A beautiful intention that a fellow gurubhai set, was: “Let’s really focus on giving energy without wanting gratitude or words of thanks for it”. So trying to think as little as possible of ourselves, we prepared different kinds of foods and drinks and brought everything over to Swami Kriyananda’s house, where the Kriyacharyas were already meditating together.
The breakfast would be held at Swami Kriyananda’s house where he also had his Moksha, where he left his body 5 years ago. Since we also wanted to prepare the table nicely, we were getting things from here and there to put on the table outside. Another gurubhai asked me to get a nice tray, which had belonged to Swamiji, from up in a cupboard. It was high so I had to stand on my toes and reach out to get it. A fraction of a second the thought flew through my mind: “Maybe something is on top of it which I cannot see”. Unfortunately I didn’t listen to it and indeed a little bowl flew in the air and dropped with a loud bang and several shards on the floor.
You can imagine the thoughts that went through my head as different variations of: “How stupid I am, breaking this special bowl of Swamiji.” The other serving gurubhais were trying very sweetly to reassure me it was OK and these things happen. So I tried to give my thoughts up to Swamiji and convince myself I had all the best intentions being there and that at least He would know it and also trying to remember “not thinking of myself but giving energy to the Kriyacharyas instead”.
We continued the preparations and the Kriyacharyas started their breakfast. Seeing the joy on their faces, made me forget about myself and my spirits lifted. When Nayaswami Deviji came into the kitchen and looked with so much love in her eyes, I felt like Divine Mother came to me and said “It’s alright”.
Oh no, not again!
Once the Kriyacharyas finished their breakfast we started to take away and clean everything. Almost having forgotten about the incident, I started to rinse off some cups and plates. But just before I was about to finish, a cup slipped out of my hand and fell straight on a plate: BANG! And as you might’ve guessed, one of Swami’s plates: broken.
In that moment it was hard to detach from my thoughts: “Why is this happening? Doesn’t Swami wants me to be in his house? Am I not having the right attitude?” and “I don’t even dare to know what others will think.”
While I was having these thoughts, a memory popped up: the fact that Swami Kriyananda would say: “Why be unhappy, if you know you will be happy again later. Why not just be happy now?” And so I decided that I would choose to not dwell on my negative thoughts.
At the same time, I didn’t want to run away from my “responsibility” and wanted to overcome my fear. So I went to Nayaswami Kirtaniji (who is taking care of his house), to apologize for what had happened. And with the sweetest smile she said: “It is OK. There’s always something that happens”. And that was it.
All of God’s plans are rooted in love
A weight lifted of my heart. I felt free, first of all, because I had faced my fear. And on top of that I could feel in that moment: yes, that must be how Divine Mother loves us. She sees all of our mistakes, and difficulties just as things that happen but knows that that is not us. If we come to her with our faults and fears, she will respond with love, compassion and understanding.
Reflecting on how much that simple reaction of love and non-judgment had given to me, had helped me, I realize how much I could give too, to others, by following such an example. It was not even so much about the words or looks that had been given, but the energy and vibrations of love that were behind them, so tangible and sincere.
I am eternally grateful, for the examples that I have in my life. And knowing that even those examples, someday, will have to leave this earth as well, like Swamiji did, I feel that there lies a great responsibility in us to try to become an every better and purer channel of Light to share that which Yoganandaji, Swamiji, and now our Spiritual leaders have given and are giving to us.
Isn’t it beautiful, how such a small, seemingly bad incident, turns into a source of great inspiration and a little bit more of inner freedom? As Nayaswami Devi so wisely said: “All God’s plans are rooted in love.”